writen by gloria
Urban Vignettes: Russells Old Corner Shop
Feedback from Screening at Ryan’s House
- Superimpose name and relationship that the people have (accepted)
- Have cutaways of them doing things, people peering in etc(accepted)
- Show more of the ambience of the place
Consultation with Daniel Rigos
- Possible to find soundtrack or to go without music(accepted)
- Have an establishing shot of the building
- To start with George first and just the clock ticking, and end with Lola’s piano piece?
- Cut out the conversational/bickering part where Lola and George talk about Lola Russell Productions
Consultation with Anne Carter
- Have the logo in the beginning, establishing shot of building at the end (accepted)
- Can have just the clock ticking, or have music in the background (below the clock ticking), or have voices/ambience/traffic(accepted)
- Reduce the shot of George in the kitchen humming OR put Lola in between the shot of George in the kitchen(accepted)
o Keep the sound of George’s humming going as Lola comes down the stairs; don’t keep Lola’s audio as audiences may feel like they’re missing something if they can’t hear her.(accepted)
o Do this to introduce Lola, to show that there’s two of them living in the shophouse
- Increase the volume when it comes to Lola talking about the photographs(accepted)
- Lola’s intro to the café should be shortened up to the point where she says that it is a working class area → rest of it unnecessary(accepted)
- Can start Shane’s voice with him and granny seated at the table (overlay)(accepted)
- Have cutaways of the place while Shane talks(accepted)
- Keep George’s audio of “goodbye joy” as shane and granny walk out(accepted)
- Too abrupt going to George talking to Ian; fade to black with the goodbye, then come to George talking to Ian and go straight to “there’s a pile of stuff over here”(accepted)
o Fade out sound towards the end of the shot before Ian’s individual shot so that the sound doesn’t overlap(accepted)
- Super Ian’s name and relationship only when he talks individually(accepted)
- End Ian’s shot at “very convenient”
- Have a bit of time before the shot of Ian ironing if possible so that it is not so abrupt and sound doesn’t overlap(accepted)
- Drop George’s shot at “I did a course in Russian” → start the shot at the computer with George talking (overlay); extend the vision earlier.(accepted)
- To put George and Lola talking before Alan talks about his involvement with the play
o Include cutaways of the posters while George & Lola are talking(accepted)
o Keep the banter/bickering of George and Lola when they talk about Lola Russell Productions
- Footage of Lola playing the piano and talking about history can come earlier
o Maybe after she introduces the café?
o Before/after George is at the computer?
- Have photos of the store come up during the credits
- Try using overlays!
These are the feedbacks and I have accepted most of them and applied to the rough cut.
it’s gonna get better and better ~~
